He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
