I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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