Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
