I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
