He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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