my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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