every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Rumble strips road head = magical
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
