We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
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And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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