Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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