she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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