I'm so fucking centered right now
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
