Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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