I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
