Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
