im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
