Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
