We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
