today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
