Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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