im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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