your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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