never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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