I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
