The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
