Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
