her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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