I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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