I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
