Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
