It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nicole vs. Life
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
