note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
