new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
