How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
