Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
