forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
