you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
