yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
