why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
