Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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