Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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