Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
