Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
