i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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