I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
