My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize