Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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