Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
God, I missed his penis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
