The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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