I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
