the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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