Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
