Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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