I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
