Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
