You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
