The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
