you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
