Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
