her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
