So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
