the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
