He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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