Are we in a gay sports bar?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
