i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember