remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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