so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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