i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
