Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
