When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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