This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
