I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
