it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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